From Grief to Gratitude: Honoring Pets Through Purpose

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Intro

Welcome to Healing Tales.

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Intro

I'm Dr. Ruth Roberts, here to help you become the best pet parent you can be with simple, natural care that works for real life, real budgets, and real pets.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

Hey y'all, welcome back to Healing Tales. I'm Dr. Ruth Roberts, empowering change makers in pet health. And today I have a really, and truly heartwarming episode for you. Joining us today is Kat Colby, writer, speaker, lifelong cat dad, whose journey through personal grief has blossomed into a movement of connection, compassion and healing. 

After caring for his senior cats, Nomar and Mia, through their final years, Scott was inspired to create the Golden Whiskers podcast and newsletter, which offers guidance and support to pet parents, navigating feline wellness and pet loss with heart and intention. Scott's love for his cats didn't stop there. He is also the founder of Tales on Trails, a tribute hike and fundraiser that supports pet owners in need. And he recently launched the Nomar and Mia Compassion Fund to honor his beloved cat's legacy. Scott, welcome. It is truly a pleasure to have you with us today.

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Scott Colby

Well, thank you for having me, Dr. Ruth. I get to talk about my favorite topic. And I know this topic may be a little bit heavy. I'll see if I can get through this without the tears. I may not have thought about this enough ahead of time.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

Yeah, but that's the thing, man, is that the tears are the truth, right? Because these kitties have driven you to a place where you can support others and through similar situations and help them get through it, knowing that they're not alone. So it's all good.

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Scott Colby

Thank you.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

So tell me a little bit about the love story that started it all. Tell us about Nomar and Mia, who they were, and their meaning in your life.

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Scott Colby

Yeah, thank you. So Nomar and Mia, I adopted them in 2003 when I was living in Dallas. And I didn't plan to adopt them. My sister was visiting me at the time, and we went to a local mall in Dallas, and the SPCA was there doing adoptions. And I said, "Hey, let's go look at the cats." And we were there to get clothes, and I came home with two cats.

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 (Laughs)

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Scott Colby

So I was a cat lover at that point, but I had never personally owned a pet before.

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Scott Colby

And I picked up, I forget which one I picked up first, but I just like, kittens are so cute. They were about 10 or 12 weeks old, and my sister had a cat at the time. And as I was getting closer to thinking, "Hey, I might actually adopt one," she said she wished she had adopted two because she always felt her cat felt lonely whenever she left town. 

So I ended up adopting two cats. I gave them their names. So they're named after two athletes, Nomar Garcia-Para, a former baseball player, and Mia Hamm, a former women's national soccer player. And those two athletes are married in real life. And I think the names are really cool. Nobody else has the name Nomar for a cat, I don't think.

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Scott Colby

So in the end, I didn't grow up with pets. My parents didn't allow dogs or cats in the household. So this was a pretty new experience for me. 

They were not from the same litter, and Mia was about two or two and a half weeks older than Nomar, but they were essentially the same age. And I believe they were fostered together. So they kind of knew each other.

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Scott Colby

Just as time went along, of course, as most owners realize, the love of having pets and animals that look up to you and depend on you can be extremely life-changing.

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Scott Colby

I am somebody that lives alone. I'm not married. So these two guys, these two cats were my life.

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Scott Colby

And as they got older, things got a little bit more challenging with health issues and anticipatory grief. And how do I deal with moving across the country? 

And I know we're gonna get into some of that story, but they were just, they were my whole world. Again, being a dad, not to kids, but not to human kids, but to cat kids. And they just were a joy to be around.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

And I get it. I mean, I've had cats and dogs all of my life. When we started traveling in 2018, we started out with our cat Pepe, who we sadly lost, I guess, two years ago now, and our many dachshunds, Mona. 

And so those guys are both gone. Hayao was still with us, but Pep, I still miss dearly because, I mean, this was a dog cat. This is a cat that learned how to hike with us. Oh my gosh.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

And it started out with some really, training him how to deal with being in a pack and deal with being in a car. 

And there's some really funny, hangry videos of getting used to being in the car and being not happy about it and eating treats.

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(Imitates Car Engine) (Laughing)

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

You know, so there's all of that, but I get it. I mean, I never had the opportunity to have children. I always had four-legged kids and they are, they become your world. And I think until you have that experience, a lot of other folks are like, dude, it's just a cat or man, woman, it's just a dog. Where do you, you know? So I totally get it. Yeah. So that's the thing, right? Here we are. 

You've got these beautiful young kittens coming into your life and the years start to kind of come along. And how was that transition? Did they stay happy and healthy for a long time? Did they have health issues along the way?

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Scott Colby

Yeah, for the most part, they were happy and healthy cats well into their senior years. I didn't really have any major issues. The one big issue that Nomar had before he passed away and, you know, a couple of years before he passed away, and some of the things I'm gonna share, I know there may be some other things I should have done, but Nomar had some dental issues and he actually had to have a couple teeth pulled or we had a couple of his teeth pulled. So that was the one big issue. You know, I never really took care of their teeth. And that was one big issue that he had in his senior years.

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Scott Colby

Fast forward to when they were both 16 and I was about to make a big life change for me, I was moving across country. So I got them in Denver about when they were seven or so, I moved, excuse me, I got them in Dallas about when they were seven years old, I moved to Denver. And then when they were 16, I was ready to move again and I was ready to move to Knoxville, Tennessee, which is where I am now.

And I'm telling you, Dr. Ruth, that decision was not made lightly because at that point they were 16. And even though pretty healthy, they were slowing down, they never really liked being in the car. So I had a challenging time making the decision, even to move across country, like uprooting their life at that age, is that okay?

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Scott Colby

So a couple weeks before I was moving, probably about three weeks before I was moving, I went to my normal veterinarian to get them just more of like a surface level checkup, hey, I'm about to move across country, are they healthy enough for a long car ride? And everything checked out fine.

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Scott Colby

They didn't do blood work at the time, but they did find that Mia actually needed to get a tooth pulled this time. So I was like, okay, let's schedule that before we make this move and get that done with my vets that I know and trust.

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Scott Colby

So the day she was going to have a tooth pulled, they did blood work on her and they found out she had early stage kidney disease.

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Scott Colby

And with her age, they didn't want to put her under anesthesia, with her age and her new health issue, they didn't want to put her under anesthesia to do the tooth pulling. I was like, okay, let's not do that.

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Scott Colby

That was on a Monday. And again, my cats were 16 at that time. Two days later, Nomar started not acting his normal self, maybe not eating the way you normally would, hiding under the bed more Thursday of that same week. He's under the bed almost the entire day and into the evening, not really eating or drinking water. And I'm starting to get worried, but not in panic mode yet, because this is kind of new to me. We had just been to the vet the Friday before. What's, you know, I don't think anything's wrong. Well, overnight, that night, Thursday into Friday is when things like rapidly declined. He was basically listless, not eating.

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Scott Colby

I'm feeling panic, is this it? I've never experienced the death of a pet before. So I'm trying to figure out, do I need to go do, you know, the ER before my vet even opens? 

Can I wait till my vet opens? And before long, I had taken so much time to make that decision that my vet opened up, you know, eight in the morning, I called them, they said, bring them in, kind of a couple of things that were working against me. My car was in the shop, so I had to take an Uber.

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Scott Colby

 My normal vet was on vacation, so no more had to see a vet he had never seen before.

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Scott Colby

 Gosh, that was tough.

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Scott Colby

 So at least the vet tech that he knew was there. So thank God for her.

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Scott Colby

 With their examination and discussions, it seemed like it was time to say goodbye to him.

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Scott Colby

 Like, unknowns to me that, you know, he was that sick.

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Scott Colby

And unfortunately, you know, in the, you know, it could be confusing, right? And like, oh my gosh, it's happening so fast. I wanna do what's best for him. I'm getting, you know, calling my sister because she's dealt with cat loss before. I had a friend there to run, bounce things off of her. I'm talking to the vet, to the vet tech, just trying to process what is actually going on? What should I do? I don't know. And we ended up saying goodbye to him, and I had a lot of guilt that, did I say goodbye to him too early?

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Scott Colby

And it was so much guilt. And so that was very tough. I know we're gonna get into the discussion on grief, but that was my first, you know, it all happened fast with him. At the same week that Mia was diagnosed with kidney disease, very, very difficult.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

That's, and that's so crazy. And this is the thing with cats too, right? Is there like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm really not good. And then they're really bad. But that's gosh, how heartbreaking to think everything is hunky dory. And then in less than a week, the wheels fall off and you've lost your buddy.

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Scott Colby

Yeah, and that's when I was, you know, for months, planning my life around this big move, planning them to go with me, trying to do all I could to make them comfortable, getting prepared for that. 

And then thinking I'm gonna be in Knoxville with two cats, and here I am with one cat with kidney disease. So, yeah, very, very difficult.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

So that's the difficult part. I mean, so did you end up making the move just with Mia?

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Scott Colby

Yeah, I ended up making the move just with Mia. The grief was hard, right? This was my first time experiencing pet loss grief. I feel like it was actually good. I was leaving my apartment. The one other guilty thing, I was like, oh, I'm leaving no more behind. And here Mia and I are headed to another state. But I think the little bit of a saving grace there was I was coming to a new apartment. And so it didn't have the memories of Nomar, which I know we'll talk about my loss with Mia in a little bit, which was difficult. But yeah, we ended up making that move to Knoxville and she did great on that move. But then I had to manage my grief, manage Mia's grief, and manage Mia's kidney disease. And that was all new for me as well.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

Right on, and that's a lot. And I like that you said you had to manage your grief and Mia's grief. So talk about that a little bit. I mean, we tend to go into our own stuff, but it sounds like you had the wisdom to see that Mia was suffering and losing her body.

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Scott Colby

Yeah, and I think it was because just kind of speaking to other people that maybe have experienced this, posting pictures online and just, I'm posting a lot of cat photos on Facebook. So my Facebook kind of audience knew Mia and Nomar pretty well and posting the announcement that Nomar passed away. People would ask, how's Mia doing? So that's when I started to be aware that Mia's grieving as well. About the first week and a half of our grief was actually still in Denver because there's still some time left before I actually made that move. And just, yeah, I just noticed Mia's mood, her just being around me either more or less, not being herself immediately after the fact.

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Scott Colby

Me feeling, I felt tremendous guilt and now learning that guilt is one of the most common emotions I think, maybe the most common emotion that comes with pet loss grief is this feeling of guilt.

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Scott Colby

Did I make this decision too quickly? Of saying goodbye to Nomar. One thing that, a couple of things that helped me, three things that helped me. 

One, my best friend who was there when I said goodbye to Nomar, she helped me move to Knoxville. She made that long drive with me and stayed for the first several days. So leaning on her,

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Scott Colby

leaning on Mia, I think Mia and I probably leaned on each other to help each other get through that rough period. But my new apartment, I wasn't alone. There was still a beating heart there. Mia's beating heart and I loved having her and she really helped me through that time. And then just one of the ways I processed my grief was writing in a journal, writing Nomar letters,

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Scott Colby

just saying how much I loved him, how much I missed him, how sorry I am, how I'm feeling guilty, kind of all the feelings that I had inside of me, I kind of let out and I did a lot of crying, a lot of crying. Grief can take you down, it can bring you to your knees, it can make you feel like, I don't know how I'm gonna survive, how I'm gonna live. And so I had all of those feelings and somehow, yeah, you get through them, you get through them.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

You do and that's amazing that Mia was there to support you and you to support her as well. Because that's,

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

I think that's the, after many years of almost 35 years of being a veterinarian, that's one of the things I finally understood about halfway through my career was that we humans, we have a lot of difficulty with losing a pet, with losing a dog, with losing a cat, with losing a person and they don't as much. I think they miss their partners,

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

but they overall have an easier time dealing with death.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 So it's incredibly hard and I mean, these were children. And the amazing thing is, is that they got to 16 with virtually no health issues and that's not bad either. So pat yourself on the back for that if you haven't already and that's your love going straight to their hearts to help elevate them.

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Scott Colby

 Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Oh yeah. So,

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

I mean, it's a tough one. So there you are here in your new place in Knoxville with Mia and then you're now supporting her kidney disease and how is that going? What was that experience like?

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Scott Colby

Yeah, supporting her kidney disease and also her tooth issue, which we weren't able to take care of. So yeah, we had some difficulties there. 

The good news is that for a long time, her kidney disease was stable. We didn't have to do fluids. Really, we didn't really have to do much treatment there. Just kind of manage it, kind of watch it, get blood work done on a regular basis.

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Scott Colby

But also we thought about, okay, what do we do with her tooth? She's in some tooth pain here. Are we gonna try to extract it? Are we gonna manage that tooth pain? So I actually found a veterinarian that specialized in cats and specialized in dentistry. And we had decided to, let's try to get her tooth pulled. So the day we were gonna do that,

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Scott Colby

I don't know all the details about what was going on there, but there was some sort of pre-Anesthesia process that caused a red flag in my vet. And she didn't like what she saw. She said, "I don't feel comfortable doing this." So we ended up not pulling Mia's tooth and we just managed her tooth pain, really for the rest of her life. But to kind of answer your question, it was interesting just, hey, now I have a cat that I have to keep an eye on a little bit more. I've noticed also that she's slowing down. She's not quite getting up and down and jumping up as she normally would, as she went from 16 to 17 and beyond. She's just a little bit slower, not jumping up and down as much. Still getting around pretty well, but you start to see your cat decline and that's not easy. I don't think that's easy. And then you start to feel like, oh my gosh, here's the anticipatory grief coming. Didn't really have that with Nomar because his a little bit more sudden. But I kept witnessing Mia over the years, just slow down more, needing to starting to get fluids,

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Scott Colby

 to manage her kidney disease, having some other issues pop up from time to time where there might be a day or two where she's not eating. And I would call my vet. And I was always on high alert here, not comfortable leaving my home. And it became a relationship where, I feel like it was almost like 24 seven, I'm thinking of Mia and I am planning my life around. I'm working from home, but I'm planning when I leave town and how long I can leave town and making all those decisions based around her and her condition and my love for her. And that's kind of how the last three and a half, four years went with her.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Wow, wow. So she lived, it's diagnosed at 16 with early kidney disease and lived to be 20.

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Scott Colby

 Lived to be 20, yep. She made it to June, 2023. So at the time of this recording, we're actually coming up on the two year anniversary, which goes by like that. I cannot believe it's been two years since I haven't seen her, but she ended up getting,

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Scott Colby

 so she turned 20 in April of 2023. And then about a month later, she was diagnosed with lymphoma and we did what we could managing with some medication.

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Scott Colby

 Her body was, I see the pictures pop up on Facebook memories of her last years. And she was so frail. And now that I have two big one year old felines that are healthy, that are healthy, it's like, gosh, Mia was so frail.

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Scott Colby

 And so just her body broke down once she got diagnosed with lymphoma and we did what we could, but we had to say goodbye, ended up being about two and a half months after she turned 20.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Wow, that's still, that's an amazing life. And that's that length of life. And it sounds like, even though she was declining, that was fueled by your love, by your care for her. And finally her body's like, I'm good, I'm checking out now. And that's, do you feel like you got a crystal clear sign from her that I'm ready to move on?

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Scott Colby

 Yeah, I feel like I did, her last six months, there was, she had an incidence in January of 2023 where her hind legs gave out and I came home from hiking and she was dragging and I was like, oh my gosh, what is going on here?

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Scott Colby

 And then she was able to get better from that somewhat. We had to bed rest, put her in bed rest for a couple days. I thought that might be the end.

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Scott Colby

 I got in a holistic acupuncturist to come over and give her some acupuncture, which did great. And she did better there, but her last six months,

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Scott Colby

 we always slept together and she couldn't even get up and down the pet stairs. And so I pulled the sofa cushions to the ground and slept on the floor with her for six months so she could be with me. But I feel like I did get a crystal clear signal, kind of like her last day, I actually was taking her, we had to go to the vet so many times, Dr. Ruth, because it wasn't like an eating problem or a pooping problem, it was like a mobility problem. So on her very last day, she had mobility issues again. So I was taking her to the vet to hopefully get like some laser treatment, which we had done.

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Scott Colby

 And we checked her red blood cell count, her lymphocytes, and it was just too much. The numbers weren't good and the doctor said, this needs to be it.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 This is time. Yeah.

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Scott Colby

 So it's time. But the doctor said, you did right, it's not too early, it's not too late. So that gave me some peace of mind there.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Amazing. Yeah. So, wow. So you had two very different experiences with these guys where you lost Nomar so quickly, so abruptly, and then you had a very sort of long period of time with Mia where the decline was more gradual. But there you are. Nonetheless,

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 now you're coming home to an empty home. And so how did that go? How was that experience?

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Scott Colby

 Brutal. That was brutal.

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Scott Colby

 So my friend that was there with me when I lost Nomar and when I moved to Knoxville, eventually moved to Knoxville herself. So she actually lives in another home and I was very scared to go home to an empty apartment. So I actually crashed on her sofa for three and a half months because I've had a cat, at least one cat for 20 years. And I'm like, I can't do it. I can't go home and have there be silence when I'm working or worse when I'm laying down and it's nighttime and there's complete silence. I'm like, I just can't do that. I need to be in a different home. And I don't know how long it's gonna be. It's just gonna be until I feel brave enough to go back to my home. So I ended up crashing on her sofa for three and a half months. It was very, very difficult. It was similar to when Nomar died in the sense that it's your child that has left us.

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Scott Colby

 But this time I didn't have another child to go back to.

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Scott Colby

 So I was feeling completely alone, except for my friend. My friend has a cat, so that was nice. But it knocks your world upside down. You might have time where I let my workouts go. I'm not eating the way I wanna be eating. I'm not concentrating at work the way I wanna be concentrating. I don't have any joy in my life anymore because I'm Mia's caretaker for her last years, definitely her last six months, where Dr. Ruth, her last few months, I had bought a camera so I could watch her when I left to go to the grocery store, to the coffee shop. And I was so obsessed with that camera. I'm like, I leave and then like 30 seconds later, I'm looking at the camera ready, is she, has her hind legs given out again? What is she doing? And so checking the camera, just pouring everything out to her every minute, and then that's gone. And so it's like part of you is ripped away. When that loss, it's almost like, she's here sleeping on my chest, and then that physical loss is pulled away from you. So I was a mess and it was very difficult.

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Dr. Ruth Roberts

 So how did you transition from that state of just being a hot mess into this beautiful, sweet man that I'm the pleasure of talking with today?

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Scott Colby

 Yeah, I think just little by little, having my friend there was a blessing because when I did go back into my home and look at some of Mia's stuff, she was there. I'd tell you, so if anybody's going through that, having somebody that you can lean on was very, very important for me. And just, I think it's little by little.

[01:28:05:02 - 01:28:33:04]

Scott Colby

 University of Tennessee, which is where Knoxville is, they have a great vet social work program where they offer six grief counseling sessions for free to the local community. So I took advantage of that and I went to grief counseling and that came with its own set of tears, but that allowed me to start talking about Mia. And I actually went there when Nomar passed away too to talk about them in a way that,

[01:28:34:26 - 01:29:01:14]

Scott Colby

 when somebody asked about, tell me about your cats, there's tears, but you can start to light up and talk about what the cats mean to you. So I think just, I wrote letters to Nomar. I had a Mia journal as well. I didn't write quite as much to her because I don't know why it was just, it was a different grieving experience, but just I got to the point where I was able to start

[01:29:02:28 - 01:29:19:12]

Scott Colby

 talking about them, thinking about ways I could honor them, thinking about ways I could keep their name alive. And when I thought about that, that started to give me a little bit of like joy. I'm like, yeah, there's things I could do to help others.

[01:29:21:01 - 01:29:42:24]

Scott Colby

 I started to go into Facebook groups, pet loss support groups, and realizing how many people experience it and like how devastated they are. And one like, oh gosh, there are people going through this and also people that potentially I can help because as you probably feel the same way, Dr. Ruth,

[01:29:44:27 - 01:30:00:04]

Scott Colby

 maybe you and I and people in the profession with helping others, we start to look for ways like, oh, how can I, I'm hurting, but how can I help other people that are hurting? So I think just starting to get those thoughts on my head really helped me as well.

[01:30:01:06 - 01:30:30:10]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Wow, so what you're doing now, so you're doing the Golden Whiskers podcast and newsletter, you're doing Tales on Trails, and then the Compassion Fund named after Nomar and Mia. So, I mean, you've gone from literally practically immobility from grief into a very useful way to put that energy of grief out there to support others.

[01:30:31:12 - 01:30:35:27]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 I mean, that's just amazing. So how did these ideas come up for you?

[01:30:36:27 - 01:31:57:13]

Scott Colby

 Yeah, I don't know, but I feel like I'm one that, I'm one that has always thought of like, how can I do good? And so I'll give an example from the past that I was just reminded of recently, actually when I put together the Feline Wellness Summit is years ago, I had an uncle that died from cancer. So I put together a virtual summit, I was in the fitness industry at the time. So I put together a virtual fitness summit where we raised money for the American Cancer Society. So I kind of have that kind of deep within me. So that probably allowed me to think about ways that, hey, how can I turn this pain into something for purpose or something for good? So one of the things I initially started was I started to put together at-loss meditation. So I'm a big believer in meditation. I use it quite a bit just to help de-stress. And so I started to think about, hey, maybe I could help somebody through their grief, through pet loss meditations. After that, one of the things that I did last year, I was like, well, let me raise some money here and see if I can raise some money and donate it to good.

[01:31:58:15 - 01:32:04:09]

Scott Colby

 So I did a kitten yoga fundraiser. It was in combination with a pop-up cat cafe.

[01:32:05:09 - 01:32:47:19]

Scott Colby

And one of the things that I've kind of been drawn to, Dr. Ruth, is people who can't afford their vet bills or their vet emergency services. I think that's just heartbreaking to hear about people that have to make the decision, like, do I do the surgery and pay thousands of dollars? Or if I can't afford it, I have to say goodbye to my pet. And that breaks my heart. And so I wanted to raise money. Yeah, I wanted to raise money through this fundraiser to help people that have trouble with their vet bills. That has morphed into last year, I put together a hiking fundraiser called Tails on Trails.

[01:32:49:00 - 01:33:43:01]

Scott Colby

And Tails on Trails is just a bigger version of a vision that I have. Wanted to expand my fundraising efforts and get people together that love to hike and wanna do so in maybe honor of their pet or to help me raise money for people struggling to pay their vet bills. And so I did that last year. We had 118 hikers registered, which was great. And then this year, this year we're doing the Tails on Trails hike again. And I know you mentioned it, but I've established a No More Amiya compassion fund through the University of Tennessee. We're just getting that going. So they're helping me establish this fund through them. And that's gonna be supporting people that can't afford their pet ER bills.

[01:33:44:08 - 01:33:50:12]

Scott Colby

And the cool thing is we're gonna do an endowment. So I have to raise $25,000,

[01:33:51:24 - 01:34:17:25]

Scott Colby

 but the funds that will help people will be the interest from that endowment. And so that endowment will live on forever. And that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to come up with something where No More Amiya's name lives forever, almost like a legacy. And so that's where that fund is coming into play. And then of course the goal of the "Whiskers" podcast and newsletter as well. I know.

[01:34:19:02 - 01:34:23:03]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 And in your spare time, you're also writing a book.

[01:34:23:03 - 01:34:24:18]

Scott Colby

 So- Oh my gosh.

[01:34:24:18 - 01:34:30:08]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 What is that about? And tell me, how's that process been?

[01:34:31:09 - 01:35:42:28]

Scott Colby

 Yeah, this is a brand new venture. I'm just getting this started, but it's kind of the working title is "Through Mia's Eyes." And it's taken us through the journey of Mia's last six months and then kind of beyond that. So I'm only just getting started, but we're writing in a way that we're thinking about what Mia must be experiencing as she loses her ability to use her hind legs or seeing me and me being distraught, knowing that I can see her declining and I'm worried and I'm crying and I'm taking all these calls to the vet. And so it's gonna be a beautiful journey. I don't know exactly where it's gonna wind up, but I envision it's gonna be Mia's last six months as seen through her eyes and then helping her get me through my guilt and my grief into my first year after she's gone and into when I've adopted Nico and Milo, my new cats.

[01:35:44:14 - 01:35:51:04]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Right on. And those guys, I mean, I keep seeing your pictures pop up of them. They are total hand bones.

[01:35:51:04 - 01:35:51:24]

Scott Colby

 Yeah.

[01:35:51:24 - 01:35:54:05]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 So where did you meet those guys?

[01:35:54:05 - 01:37:35:20]

Scott Colby

 So I actually got them in Chattanooga. So that's been an interesting journey. I got them at a cat cafe about two hours from Knoxville where I live. It's called the Naughty Cat Cafe. Really, it's actually been voted one of the world's best cat cafes. So that was an interesting process, Dr. Ruth, because many of us have those feelings like I can never get pets again. I don't wanna experience this grief again or these pets will never replace the other pets. And I struggled with that. And there's no timeframe. Some people are ready right away. Some people are never ready. Some people are ready a year later. So there's no timeframe. That is really up to you to decide. I started to think about like, hey, I'm ready to maybe foster. And so I thought about that kind of at the same time and went to this cat cafe. I ended up meeting Nico and Milo there. I wasn't sold on getting them. But about a couple of weeks later, I'm like, oh, let me go visit the cat cafe again, see if they're still there. They were still there. I was like, well, they've all just put in an application. And while I put in an application, they have to vet you and it takes about a week to go through that process. I'll really think about it and think about is this what I wanna do? So I put in the application, talk to my friends and like, do I wanna 100% go all in again? Because I was committed to No More and Mia, especially with Mia's decline in it. It really, I didn't have the freedom that I had without pets. And I didn't know mentally, am I ready for this? And I thought to myself,

[01:37:36:26 - 01:37:55:23]

Scott Colby

 I'm never gonna be 100% all in. I'm never gonna know 100% if I'm ready. If I do adopt them, I'm all in. And I always said like, No More and Mia were the best decision I ever made. And I can't imagine life without them. I was like, I'm gonna have that same feeling with Nico and Milo. So I ended up adopting them.

[01:37:56:23 - 01:38:19:17]

Scott Colby

 I ended up starting, I know you mentioned the Golden Whiskers podcast in newsletter, one, to do something else to honor No More and Mia, but two, to learn. There was a lot of mistakes I made with No More and Mia, even though they lived a long time. I know, I learned like, hey, well, Kibble isn't the best food boy. I've had them that for their first 13 years.

[01:38:20:26 - 01:38:27:22]

Scott Colby

 So it's great because I'm putting together a Feline Wellness podcast,

[01:38:28:25 - 01:38:47:27]

Scott Colby

 not only in honor of No More and Mia, but to better care for Nico and Milo. So it's an educational podcast for me, as well as to listeners out there. And then I get to adjust after I interview people like you, Dr. Ruth, I get to adjust how I care for them and make their lives better. So it's been a great journey with them.

[01:38:47:27 - 01:39:23:25]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Amazing, and plus you get to talk to a lot of holistic pet health coaches that are supporting cats, like just amazing. And that's the thing is that you're the type of person that as you learn something new and something better for your cats, for yourself, you implement it. And that's what we want, that my goal is, is to help share knowledge so that you as a pet parent or somebody else listening can take some little snippet and go, that makes sense.

[01:39:25:01 - 01:39:39:08]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Or why am I doing that? And I think that's it, is that if you catch that little piece of information that sparks your imagination of what could be better, I mean, that's just the amazing thing.

[01:39:39:08 - 01:39:51:20]

Scott Colby

 Yeah, and it allows me to reflect. I'm like, sometimes I'm like, "Ah gosh, Nomar and Mia didn't have this, but Nico and Milo get to have this, that's good." And Nomar and Mia, they get the endowment fund, so their name's gonna go on forever.

[01:39:51:20 - 01:39:53:29]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Forever and ever, right on.

[01:39:55:23 - 01:40:04:08]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

So for somebody that's listening, who's really still deep in the weeds of the grief of losing a pet, what would you say to them?

[01:40:06:00 - 01:40:39:23]

Scott Colby

 First of all, I'm sorry that you've lost a pet and that you're experienced this. I know how difficult it is. I would just say that lean into your feelings as hard as it is, because I've seen people ask questions in groups and like, "Hey, it's been a week and I can't stop crying." Well, that's normal for you, right? Everybody's different. Some people may not have that experience, some people may have that experience. There is no one way to grieve, it's usually not linear.

[01:40:41:02 - 01:40:52:10]

Scott Colby

 It can come out of nowhere, you might think you're over it, and then a year later, like something triggers it again. So just as much as you can, lean into your feelings and feel them all.

[01:40:53:12 - 01:41:37:11]

Scott Colby

And the second thing I would say is, if possible, lean on some support. So for example, I don't live near my parents as well. My parents never had pets for us as we grew up and they didn't really experience pets. So they didn't know the heartache that I was going through. They know I was suffering a loss, but they didn't realize I just lost a child when I had to say goodbye to my cat. So they're not feeling that. I am feeling that. So if you can lean on somebody that can understand and be that for you, some people may not really understand that I actually just had a friend, this is really interesting, I just had a friend that lost his dog,

[01:41:38:19 - 01:42:18:28]

Scott Colby

and then I checked in on him about a week later, and he apologized to me because when I lost Mia, he was there and he said, "I'm sorry, you're going through a loss," but he didn't feel my loss until he lost his dog. Now he knows what I went through. And so sometimes you don't feel it until you're going through it and you don't understand what other people are going through. Just let yourself feel everything that you're feeling. If you can't get out of bed, if you're on the floor crying, that's your experience. Just go through that and lean on somebody that can be there for you.

[01:42:19:28 - 01:42:36:13]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Right on. And you mentioned UT Knoxville has a pet grief counseling service, which is amazing. Are you aware of other services that people could take advantage of, or do you have those resources on a website or?

[01:42:36:13 - 01:42:42:18]

Scott Colby

 Yeah, I actually don't have those resources on a website. I know I can get some through UT,

[01:42:43:20 - 01:43:01:24]

Scott Colby

 that social work department, because I think they do. They actually offer also, I believe they still do some online sessions that anybody from anywhere could take advantage of as well. So if I can dig that up, I'll share with you, Dr. Riz, so you can share to your listeners.

[01:43:01:24 -01:43:34:13]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

That'd be amazing. Because I think this is the thing that it's not as hard as it was, but 10 years ago, people were really embarrassed about the level of grief that they were feeling. I think that's still present to some degree, but it's better. And I think what you're saying, Scott, is absolutely correct. You don't have to do this alone. And there are folks out there that are gonna get you and understand. So if the first person you talk to is like, dude, it's a cat,

[01:43:35:19 - 01:43:44:02]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 just understand that they don't get that bond at this moment. And so do keep looking for others to support you, because I think it's just so critical.

[01:43:44:02 - 01:43:47:09]

Scott Colby

 Yeah, and then one thing to piggyback on that, pet,

[01:43:48:15 - 01:44:15:24]

Scott Colby

Some people have to go back to their jobs right away because their supervisor may not understand. So just be aware of that. You may have a supervisor or boss that doesn't understand.

I think there should be more and more pet bereavement out there for folks that are going through that, because if you lose a spouse or a child or a parent, I think there's bereavement leave out there. So maybe there should be more pet bereavement leave out there as well.

[01:44:15:24 - 01:44:22:12]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Right on, right on. Cool, well, Scott, this has been a wonderful conversation.

[01:44:23:17 - 01:44:34:09]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Thank you for sharing something that was such a huge personal impact. And ultimately how you ended up turning that loss, that grief into good.

[01:44:35:22 - 01:44:40:16]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 And so folks know how to find you, where can they find you?

[01:44:40:16 - 01:45:01:04]

Scott Colby

Yeah, probably the couple ways, best ways are going to my Golden Whiskers newsletter and podcast, listening to interviews with Dr. Ruth here. That can be goldenwhiskerslove.com, goldenwhiskerslove.com. And then on Instagram, it's at goldenwhiskerslove.com, so you can find me at both of those places.

[01:45:03:04 - 01:45:20:10]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Beautiful, beautiful. All right, for those of you following along, keep sharing this information with others that you know need it. We will have new episodes coming up very shortly. Until then, give your kitties and your puppies a big hug for us.

[01:45:20:10 - 01:45:38:07]

Dr. Ruth Roberts

 Thanks for listening to Healing Tales where pet parents become healers, one tail wag at a time. Want more tools and support? Head to DrRuthRoberts.com. Until next time, trust your gut, question the noise, and keep showing up for your pet.